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At the age of 12-17, many teenagers experience a crisis of self-esteem and identity. Dissatisfaction with appearance leads to feelings of guilt and even hatred towards yourself and your body. It is often impossible for a teenager to defeat these complexes alone. How parents can help, says psychologist Larisa Karnatskaya.
In adolescence, the dependence on self-esteem is extremely high, much more than adults think. Today, girls and boys are under a lot of pressure to meet media standards of beauty and physical perfection. Dove brand research has revealed this pattern: while only 19% of teenage girls are overweight, 67% believe they need to lose weight. And there are real problems behind these numbers.
Girls use unhealthy methods to lose weight (pills, fasting), and boys take drugs to help build muscle mass. Because of the complexes, adolescents behave in society constrained, insecure and try to avoid communication even with their peers. Children who hear ridicule addressed to them, transfer anger to themselves and their physical «shortcomings», become embittered, secretive.
Do not wait for the child to outgrow these complexes. Better try to help.
Talk frankly
To talk to a teenager, you need to understand his experiences. Remember yourself at his age and your experiences. You were shy, and maybe even hated yourself, considered yourself clumsy, fat, ugly. Looking back at our childhood, we are used to remembering solid joys, forgetting about difficulties and troubles. And the child feels that in comparison with his parents he lives wrong.
Praise out loud
Mention in the conversation how you see the child in everyday life, emphasizing his best sides. This will give the teenager the support he needs so much. If the child is ridiculed, he becomes withdrawn, and if the child is encouraged, he learns to believe in himself.
Share your experience, remember how you were able to survive the influence from the outside and cope with complexes
Praise not only for appearance! In addition to compliments on appearance, it is useful for a child to hear praise from parents for their actions. Appreciate the effort that the child makes to achieve the goal, not the result. Explain that not everything always works out the way you want. But if you focus on every failure, it will not bring you closer to success.
Treat yourself gently
Mothers should not criticize their reflection in the mirror in the presence of their teenage daughter, complain about circles under their eyes, overweight. It is better to talk with her about how the girl’s body is changing, what a beautiful walk and smile she has. Share with your daughter a story about how you were unhappy with yourself at her age. Tell us how you were able to survive the influence from the outside or how someone significant to you was able to cope with the complexes. Another important point is modeling: give your child the opportunity to observe that you treat yourself well, value yourself, take care of yourself.
Form a value system
Explain to your child that judging a person by their appearance is superficial. Do not criticize others in the presence of the child, he should not take part in such conversations or be a witness to them. The child’s mind is very receptive, and the teenager will project onto himself criticism directed at others.
Explain that we are defined not so much by appearance as by personal qualities and inner world.
Discussing external features, we fall into a certain system of stereotypes and become dependent on them. And it turns out that not “I live”, but “I live”. «I live» — imposed dimensions, parameters and ideas about how I should look.
Find the virtues
Teenagers, on the one hand, want to be like everyone else, and on the other hand, they want to be different and stand out. Teach your child to be proud of their skills, features and virtues. Ask him what is unique about each of his family members or friends. Let him name his virtues and figure out how to emphasize them.
Explain that it is not so much our appearance that defines us, but our personal qualities and inner world, character traits, our skills, talents, hobbies and interests. Theater, music, dancing, sports — any hobby will help you stand out from the crowd and help develop a sense of confidence.
Cultivate media literacy
Explain that beauty and fashion media, advertising posters do not show people as they are. Ideal images in glossy magazines and popular social networks are designed to attract attention and make you want to buy something. Visually demonstrate how you can change the image beyond recognition with the help of modern programs.
Tell them that glossy magazines and social networks do not show people as they are
Help your child develop a critical eye which will help not to take everything for granted. Discuss whether it is fair to compare real people to artificially created images, and be sure to emphasize the importance of respecting and appreciating what makes us unique.
Let’s have a say
Encourage your child to have an opinion and express it. Ask more often what your son or daughter wants, allow them to make their own choices, and help bring ideas to life. This gives you a chance to believe in yourself and grow into a self-confident person in the future.