„Јас не сум феминистка“: зошто овој збор не плаши толку многу (и залудно)

Feminism is an inclusive and broad movement, why is it so important for many women to emphasize their non-belonging to it, despite the actual commonality of views and values? I thought about it and identified four main reasons.

Lack of awareness and negative associations

Unfortunately, the feminist movement is still surrounded by a whole host of myths that most women refuse to identify with. Feminism is associated with hatred of men, external unattractiveness, aggressiveness and masculinity. Feminists are accused of a senseless struggle with windmills and far-fetched problems (“in the old days there was feminism, they fought for the right to vote, but now what, there’s only nonsense”).

Just give them something to prohibit, abolish or smear with menstrual blood. Not without the help of the media, the image of feminists as ugly, evil freaks with problems in the sexual sphere, who dream of banning men and single-handedly ruling the world, has taken root in the public mind. And there is nothing surprising that women who are not intimately familiar with the real feminist movement and its representatives do not want to be associated with this “swear word”.

Another small but important factor can be put on the shelf of myths. Many women are sure that feminists are fighting for women to voluntarily and forcibly become independent and strong, a kind of “men in skirts”, go down to the face, pick up a sleeper and carry. “But where else do we need a sleeper if we already have a job and a second shift around the house and with children? We want flowers, a dress, and the opportunity to dream that a handsome prince will come and we can rest a little on his strong shoulder, ”they object quite rationally.

Women are afraid that feminism will bring them even more responsibilities and “emasculate” men even more, destroying at the root of all real earners and protectors, on whose potential existence all hope is placed. And this thought leads us to the next point.

Fear of losing existing, albeit minimal, privileges

Being a woman is always difficult. But in the patriarchal paradigm, there is a certain ghostly recipe for success that promises a woman heaven on earth (a house is a full bowl, a man is a breadwinner and a well-fed life) if she jumps higher and can meet a long list of social expectations.

Even in childhood, we learn: if you play by the rules, be quiet, sweet and comfortable, look good, don’t show aggression, care, endure, don’t wear too provocative clothes, smile, laugh at jokes and put all your strength into “women’s” affairs — you can draw a lucky ticket. You, if you are lucky, will bypass all the horrors of the female fate, and as a prize you will receive encouragement from society and, most importantly, male approval.

Therefore, to call yourself a feminist is to give up the starting place in the race for the title of «good girl». After all, to be her is to be uncomfortable. The feminist position, on the one hand, opens up opportunities for personal growth in a supportive sisterhood, and on the other hand, it closes many other doors, for example, it sharply narrows the choice of possible partners (as well as, for example, cultural products that you can consume without a slight nausea), often causes public condemnation and other difficulties.

Calling yourself a feminist, you lose that very illusory chance to become a “good girl”, a chance for a minimal, but reward.

Not wanting to feel like a victim

In any discussion about the oppression of women, the phrases “I have never encountered this”, “no one oppresses me”, “this is a far-fetched problem” regularly pop up. Women prove that they have never encountered patriarchal structures, that this has never happened in their lives, and never will.

And there is nothing surprising in this. Recognizing the existence of oppression, we simultaneously recognize our oppressed position, the position of the weak, the victim. And who wants to be a victim? Recognition of oppression also means accepting that we can not influence everything in our lives, not everything is in our control.

The position “no one oppresses me” returns illusory control to the woman’s hands: I’m not weak, I’m not a victim, I just do everything right, and those who are experiencing difficulties, most likely, just did something wrong. This is very easy to understand, because the fear of losing control and admitting one’s own vulnerability is one of the deepest human fears.

In addition, recognizing ourselves as a weak link in a certain structure and hierarchy, we are forced to face another unpleasant fact. Namely, with the fact that our closest people, partners, fathers, brothers, male friends, are in other positions in this hierarchical pyramid. That they often abuse it, live off our resource, get more with less effort. And at the same time remain our loved ones and loved ones. This is a heavy thought that requires a long reflection and rarely causes a storm of positive feelings.

Reluctance to label yourself and fear of rejection

Finally, the last reason why women do not want to call themselves feminists is the unwillingness or inability to fit the whole complex of their views into one narrow cell. Many reflective women perceive their worldview not as an established set of views, but rather as a process, and are suspicious of any labels and artificial ideological categories. Labeling themselves, even as proudly as «feminist», means for them to reduce their complex and «fluid» belief system to a certain ideology and thus limit their development.

This category often includes women who would love to call themselves feminists, but are lost in the endless ramifications of our broader movement and afraid to take the extra step lest they incur thunder and lightning and accusations of wrong feminism.

There are countless branches of feminism, often at war with each other, and in this dark forest it is easy to get lost and pass for “some wrong feminist who makes wrong feminism.” It is precisely because of the fear of rejection, the fear of not fitting into a social group or incurring the wrath of yesterday’s like-minded people, that it is difficult for many to put on the label “feminist” and carry it with pride.

Each of these reasons, of course, is quite valid, and every woman has every right to determine and name her own system of views, to choose a side or refuse this choice. But you know what’s the funniest thing about it? That this right of choice was given to us by none other than feminists.