содржина
Living happily ever after with one partner is no easy task. We have to be close to a person who sees, feels and acts differently. We are under pressure from the environment, the experience of parents and the media. Relationships are a territory for two, you can break taboos and norms if both of you want it. From childhood, we were taught that it was indecent to sort things out, spouses should do everything together and help each other. It’s time to break the stereotypes.
Couples who have been together for a long time not only have to put up with each other’s different views and habits, but also adapt to social norms. Coach Katerina Kostoula believes that one should not blindly follow the rules.
1. Quarreling is good
Relationships in which there is no place for conflicts are not strong and sincere. If you keep your feelings to yourself, you have no chance to change anything. Fighting has a therapeutic effect: it helps you vent your anger and talk about what you don’t like. In the process of quarrels, you learn about each other’s pain points, this helps you better understand your partner, and in the end it becomes easier for everyone. By suppressing anger, you build a wall between yourself and your partner and lower your immune system.
You need to quarrel, but try to do it in a civilized way. Heated discussions that lead to positive agreements are useful, it is not worth hurting each other.
2. Sometimes you need to do what only you like.
Do you want to continue doing a hobby that is not interesting to your partner? Do you want to spend time with friends, like to be alone for a couple of hours? This is fine. Loving yourself will help you love your partner more.
Your individual interests, independence and separation from each other for a while contribute to maintaining the love flame. Certainty and constant intimacy destroy passion. They are relevant only at the very beginning of the relationship.
Keeping distance contributes to attractiveness because people usually want what they don’t have.
Psychotherapist Esther Perel, one of the most famous relationship specialists, asked people when they find their partner more attractive. Most often, she received the following answers: when he is not around, at a party, when he is busy with business.
Keeping your distance contributes to attraction because people usually want what they don’t currently have. We need to defend our right to individuality if we want to remain attractive to a partner, even if he does not want to let you go from himself.
There is another reason why you need to keep doing your job: sacrificing yourself, you accumulate discontent and resentment and feel miserable.
3. No need to constantly help each other
A partner comes home from work and complains about a difficult day. You want to help, give advice, try to improve the situation. It is better to try to listen, try to understand, ask questions. The partner is most likely an experienced person, he will be able to solve his problems. All he needs is your ability to listen and understand.
If you want to build an equal relationship, avoid the role of an assistant, especially when it comes to your partner’s professional activities. You need to help your partner in his affairs when he asks you.
In some areas, your help is always in demand and necessary: household chores and raising children. Wash dishes, walk the dog and do homework with your son as often as possible.